i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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