I smell stomach acid.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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