I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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