fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
