you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
