we made out on top of his cat.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
