Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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