i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
