I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
