omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
