Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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