My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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