Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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