Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
