dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
