You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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