Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
