Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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