an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
