Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
