well I can't set my house on fire every night
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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