with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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