Small penises have feelings too.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
