I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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