I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
