new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
