Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
