so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
