I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
