Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dignity is for republicans.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
