I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
