Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
