Swine flu. Run for my life!
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
