she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
