youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
