After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you inspire me to be a worse person
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
