our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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