I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
