She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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