sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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