Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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