I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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