Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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