pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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