Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
