I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
