Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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