I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
