Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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