my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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