I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
