I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
