a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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