then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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