I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
