btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
