I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
