so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I didn't notice because vodka
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
