I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
