Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
