Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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