how can u be prego again
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
