It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
