Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
