there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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