I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
